btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
