Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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