Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I want a musical about memes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
