it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
