Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
