i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
