I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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