Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
meet me or not, i'm out of control
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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