I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
