allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
