i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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