so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
