Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
