Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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