well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
