maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
