while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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