Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
