True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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