You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
