EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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