Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
