I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
