so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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