The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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