He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
