i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
