She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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