I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
