Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
