Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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