Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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