I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
