I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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