I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
