you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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