i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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