I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
only you would photoshop your dick
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
