One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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