Nicole vs. Life
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Can Purell be used as lube?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
