Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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