It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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