Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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