Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
