"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize