My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
