I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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