This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
