I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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