just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
