best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize