its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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