D3 body, D1 cock
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
