fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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