what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
