I got chris browned last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
