you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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