he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
