During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
