i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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