ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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