I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I still have a little drunk in my system
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
