I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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