i don't like sucking hair
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
