Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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