It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
