I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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