I will die if light touches me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
