Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
