There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize