my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
