True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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